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February 05, 2002

Really long

Ok...so this is really long, but I think I want to have it here because it is a part of me, & I don't think many people come here anyways...:) I have come to a point in my life where I really needed God back in my life, & during a very emotional 2 weeks or so I wrote this. It's really long & started as a poem, but got really out of control & I was bawling the whole time I wrote it. Sooo... My letter of sorrow/joy.

There is a place within my heart that only one may go- It's been vacant oh so long awaiting your return. I feel it opening - glowing - waiting. I need you back Lord.

You are my life. My creator, my giver, my hero...my everything. Always there for me - my shining light - my strength- upon a cold dark night. When I was alone - you were there & I turned you away. Not realizing what you mean to me - that the void & suffering I felt was not your fault - it was me.

I didn't turn to you with open arms - I didn't ask for your help - I shut you out. My own stupidity & doubt leaving me alone - alone with my thoughts...with my life... with my misery. In a self made hell.

I want it back - your loving touch - your forgiveness - I beg of you - come back to me my one true love - only you can make me whole.

I'm so sorry I shut you out - leaving you - doubting you - fearing your scorn. I know now it was I who betrayed you.

Thank you for being there - thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for letting me feel your light, for something I can hold on tight, letting me hold on to you again when nothing else goes right.

Thank you for everything I've been unthankful for, & for not locking the door... The door to your world - through my soul through my mind. When everything seems so hard to find.

Thank you for making us- loving us - good & bad- thank you for standing firm when we make you sad.

Thank you for the sun, moon, & stars, for making us feel we are truly yours.

Thank you for creation - & everything that comes with it. You are IT Lord - the heavenly father - the King, & I just want you to know I love you more than anything.

Posted by Jewels at February 5, 2002 08:51 PM

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**Welcome to my life...**
Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong And no one understands you Do you ever want to run away? Do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio on turned up so loud That no one hears you screaming No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels alright You don't know what it's like to be like me To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out? Are you desperate to find something more Before your life is over? Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around? With the big fake smiles and stupid lies While deep inside you're bleeding No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels alright You don't know what it's like to be like me To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life No one ever lied straight to your face And no one ever stabbed you in the back You might think I'm happy But I'm not gonna be ok Everybody always gave you what you wanted You never had to work it was always there You don't know what it's like What it's like To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like (what it's like) To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Welcome to my life Welcome to my life